A few days now till 3 months anniversary of "the death." I feel like I'm forgetting how much I loved him.In a state of wondering pain. Confused... really confused. What am I getting myself into? If he says he likes me, then why is like ignoring me all of the sudden? Gosh!!!! It sucks, cuz then I feel like I'm being annoying or whatever. it sohuldn't even matter.

Larger than Life,

I think I finally got a hold on death. I know whatit feels like to undergo a loved one dying, and letme tell you: I definetly do not want to go through it again. It's the feeling of "not" haveingg closure on something that should've a long while ago. There's no one way to really describe it. It's like the world is spinnning around you and you don't know or care for that matter what's going on around you. All you can think about is how much you miss that person and how you'll never see them again. It's almost like you just wanna die so you can be there with them. But in all reality, you cant do that. What aboutr all the people you'll leave behind? ANd what about your life? Don't you want kids and a husband and possibly a college dgree of some sort???

That's the thing about life: you can't just stop it on a dime. It doesn't work like that. Like the world will go on without you, and they wont wait for you. But you know the world will never be the same to your family and friends without you. Everything is affected by your absence. ANd it's true. For those of you actually reading this 15-year-old's blog: The world around you really is different when your grandpa, grandma, parents, siblings, etc. die. I know that I, personally, feel so much regret for not spending as much time as I could with him before he passed, and I keep going over that several time A DAY, about how much I regret not being there. And not saying goodbye to him.
Plus, when everything you do, reminds you of him, it makes it alot harder...